I cannot cope, especially because I’m well into Christmas holiday time and am in a state of perpetual mild hangover.
SPOILER ALERT - If you haven't seen the final yet, and don't want to know who wins, then why on earth are you reading this? Watch it now, then come back later. That's how a finals recap works.
Queue montages aplenty for the first portion of the show - a greatest hits of the finalists - Jamie’s awesome tortellini, Brian’s goats’ cheese croquette thing, Sven's pot au feu, the great time they had last week with what’s his name. It’s been beautiful.
We have the contestants staring off into middle distance as is customary, Jamie’s cool dog, a few girlfriends and mums. Lovely. Remember that time (all that time ago - last week) where Sven won over the chefs' table? Remember when Jamie didn't win over the chefs' table and cried?
Anyway, let’s crack on with the food, food, food, I must warn you - graphic food porn images to follow.
As you would hope and expect, there aren’t any dramas in this final cook off - just Monica and Marcus and the other one wafting around the kitchen, looking pleased and proud and excited. Brian’s got gurnard to start, then piglet, then an apple pithivier. This has truly been a season of croquettes. Everyone is all over the croquette.
Jamie sums up the level of expectation, the sheer fear - ‘It’s got to be above perfect, whatever that means’ - indeed.